well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my being single is dangerous.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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