i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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