Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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