Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
