I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
