I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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