i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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