do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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