if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
