I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
