You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
