I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
