Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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