zippers are such a cool invention
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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