i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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