if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
