The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
