Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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