The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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