So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
