She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
