I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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