So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
