No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
