i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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