my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i think i just lost a toe
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
