if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
