I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
