respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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