Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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