so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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