Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
