He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
