Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
