Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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