My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm both gender and math confused
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
