I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
