You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
