Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
