Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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