Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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