She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
