just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
