the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
