i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
