xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
