My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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