Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
