did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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