I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
