I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No subtext here. People are naked.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
