What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
