I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize