yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
