Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
