What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My ass is underappreciated
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
