My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
