after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
