Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
