The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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