I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
