Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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