yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So many bounce houses so little time
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
