he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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