ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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