So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
