imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just high enough for therapy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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