Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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