Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
