Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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