I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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