not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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