Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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