felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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