Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
