Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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